I'm Marc.

I can’t believe how fast this weekend is coming up. This time tomorrow night I will probably be finishing up packing and getting all my things together to come see you. I absolutely cannot wait to come up. I can’t wait to get off of that plane and literally sprint to wherever you are. For the first time in 3 weeks I’ll finally be with you. While it may not seem like that long of a time, and even though we have gone longer without seeing each other, it seems like it has been forever. I know that once I catch a glimpse of you, from that point on I won’t be able to stop smiling until I get back on a plane to leave you. I’m already dreading that moment, saying goodbye to you again, but I guess I have to ignore that for now because we’re most definitely going to have plenty of amazing times before that has to occur.

Anyway, we just skpyed of approximately seven minutes. I’m pretty sure that might be a record low. It sucks that you had to go, but I understand. Hopefully I will still be awake when he leaves, but that’s going to be really tough after waking up real early the last couple nights. I wish you just lived here, and I could physically see you anytime I liked. I could just get in my car and drive a few minutes everyday and just see you, it would make every day end perfectly. 

So in response to your letter from last night. I know that you are way more open about how you’re feeling and with telling me things, and I’m sorry that it’s not more balanced. I have tried to begin to open up to you more, and I think I have made some improvement. I definitely see a difference in how I talk to you now than how I used to, and even than how I talk everyone else. I’ve learned to try and open up to you more, and although it has taken a lot of adjustment, I think I’m making some progress. Not as much as I would like to have made, but I’m getting there. Just give me time, I’m going to keep working on it. Just know that I’m never going to hide anything from you, I’ll always be very open about whatever I feel you should know, and you can trust me with anything and about everything. There’s nothing at all that I don’t want you to know about me, I’ll tell you anything that you may question or anything like that, I have nothing to hide, especially from you.

I’m not quite sure how to put into words how I love you. Every time I even try and grasp the right words to explain it to you I just can’t. I can’t even begin to comprehend how much I love you, and I certainly can’t explain how or why I do, I just do. I’ve told you before that I wish I could allow for you to see yourself as I see you, because I really do view you as the most incredible person I know, and most definitely the love of my life.

Earlier today when I was heading home from work we were joking around with our texts about needing to tell each other things. You really scared me that last time when you said you were being serious, I didn’t know what to expect at all. And although what you told me was a good thing, it still came unexpected and as a surprise. You told me you wanted to marry me. I don’t know if you actually meant that or not, but I can’t even explain to you the feelings that I felt when I read that. I literally read that message over and over again, that one line kept running through my mind. Whether you actually meant that or not, it was a great feeling, and my mind was instantly flooded with thoughts of spending the rest of my life with you, waking up next to you every morning, falling asleep grasping your hand and kissing you goodnight, it was perfect. I do think that would be incredible, and I really would love that.

I’m sorry that this letter isn’t any longer. I’m going to probably try and do a little more homework that will hopefully keep me up longer so maybe I’ll still be up when you’re able to skype again. If you read this message and I’m already asleep, I apologize. I can’t wait to see you babe, you have no idea. My plane will be landing in 1 day, 22 hours, 30 minutes, and 35 seconds. I am beyond excited to spend an absolutely perfect weekend with you. I love you so much, more than I’ll ever be able to explain to you.

PS—You called me babe today. You said it slipped, and even if that is the case, I absolutely loved it. Obviously if you don’t want to call me that or feel comfortable doing it intentionally that is fine, but if you started to use it more I certainly wouldn’t mind at all, I had the biggest smile on my face forever after reading it. I love you so much.

Hey babe! I bet you just smiled, it’s okay you can admit it. And you probably just smiled again :) I wish I could be there to see it, you have an incredible smile and it is incredibly infectious. If you haven’t noticed, I can’t ever help but smile every time I look at you. I don’t know what it is, whether it is your unparalleled beauty or just the fact that I’m madly in love with you, but every time I catch even the shortest glimpse of you I get the biggest smile on my face and it never fades.

Anyway, today was definitely a much better day than yesterday when it comes to how much we got to talk to each other. Thankfully you weren’t too busy and I was able to text you nearly the whole time I was at work, it definitely made the day go by much faster and I was a much happier person. Someone even noticed, they kept telling me that I was smiling a lot today, I’m definitely blaming you for that one.

So in response to your letter from last night, which I definitely had to re-read this morning because I think I was so tired last night when I read it that I actually was sleeping the whole time. Anyway, I understand why it’s weird to you that you don’t know my friends. I can see why it would be weird, and I get what you were saying because I don’t know your friends either. Obviously I know the people you hang out at school somewhat, or have at least seen them or something, but I don’t really know who you spend your time with at home and it is pretty weird to think about that.

I want you to know that if we started dating, you would never have anything to worry about when it came to anyone who I was hanging out with or talking to. I’m also a very jealous person, like really jealous. I think I’ve tried to mask that when it comes to you, because I don’t want you to think I’m overly clingy or protective or anything like that, especially since you aren’t even mine, but I do get really jealous, so I understand completely what you mean about being afraid of that happening if we were to date.  I promise that I will never give you a reason to doubt anything that I’m doing or have concern as to who I’m talking to or anything like that. You are already everything to me, and I would never let anything or anyone come in between that. Also, I don’t want you to feel as thought you would have to change the way you act for me. Don’t act more mature, don’t try and grow up or anything just because you’d be with me, if you’re ever with me. You really don’t need to strive to impress me or try to act differently around me as to not embarrass yourself. I know I joke around with you a lot picking out the small things you do that make me laugh, but really I think I would hate things if we didn’t joke around and were always this serious couple that never smiled. I can be serious at times, when it needs to be done, but I wouldn’t want you to change the way you are around me because you’re afraid to do something that may embarrass you. Let it happen, be comfortable with me, nothing you could ever do would ever change my opinion of you.

I really like that dream that you talked about, with the proposal at the airport and everything. Honestly, I’d love for that to come true. Obviously that isn’t something that is going to happen anytime soon, but I meant it when I said that I could see you as the person I could spend my time with, all of my time with. You’re everything that I would have looked for in a girlfriend, even if you don’t see yourself as that incredible, you really are. You’re smart, even if you don’t put forth your best effort sometimes, you’re funny, you’re caring, you put others ahead of yourself, you’re dedicated, athletic, beautiful, committed, everything about you is absolutely perfect to me. It’s nearly overwhelming how incredible I think you are, and how much I feel as though we would work together.

Don’t feel sorry for bringing up Dan a lot. It’s expected, it really is. I know that this is hard for you and I know that you love him, so you never have to apologize for bringing him up, it’s fine, really.

I’m going to try and bring up a few shirts this weekend if I can find some before I pack. I actually haven’t even unpacked all of my clothes from school yet. Most of them are still in my basket and in bags from when I moved out because I’ve just been so busy ever since I got home. But I’ll try and look through my shirts and grab a few extras to just happen to forget about when I’m packing to leave your house.

I like the rings! I hope that eventually I’ll have the opportunity to buy you a ring that you absolutely adore and one that you’ll accept. Whether it’s an engagement ring or just a ring to remind you that I love you, I want to do it, because I really do love you more than anything. I definitely want to do it, especially since I know the size you wear now thanks to that little formula you gave me. You’re so cute.

That joke was terrible, but I wouldn’t expect anything less ridiculous from you!

I’ll be landing in 3 days, 23 hours, 10 minutes, 34 seconds. I absolutely can not wait. I don’t think you really have any idea just how excited I am for this to happen. And now, for an added bonus, we’ll have the house to ourselves Saturday night! This weekend is going to be perfect, and I just can’t wait to see you. I can’t wait until you get home tonight so we can Skype, it really is the best part of my nights and I look forward to it everyday. I love you so much, and I always will.

I hope you don’t mind me copying your titles for these letters. I’ve started to lose track of what number I was at, so I figured this would be easier.

Anyway, I didn’t talk to you much today, it sucked. I could tell this morning you weren’t in much of a mood to talk, so I didn’t want to bother you. And then you had work, so I didn’t talk to you then, and then you had to try and get your phone fixed and I went to the gym, so again, no talking. I hated it. I hated going so long without talking to you, to not text you throughout my day, it was just terrible. Work went by so slowly, and all I wanted to do was talk to you. Since I couldn’t talk to you and found myself missing you so much, I decided to listen to that CD you made me months ago. I was only going to let it play through once, maybe replay a song or two that I especially liked, but I ended up letting it play over and over again, all day. I think the whole CD may have played through 5 or 6 times before I ejected it. The crazy thing was, that although you made that CD months ago, well before our relationship had turned into what it is today, a lot of the songs still do apply, maybe just in a different way. I found every song to have some type of connection to you, to us, and I loved it. I loved picking out lyrics from every song that I felt just described the way I feel about you perfectly. While every song had countless examples of these lyrics, I’m going to post a line or two from each one that made me think of you instantly, and made me miss you more than ever and really make me realize how much I do love and care about you. Here we go:

1. Saving You

“It’s just you and I, we’ve got through everything and everything’s alright. Don’t say goodbye, I’ll be your friend. Turn the lights off, baby, think again. I’ll keep on saving you over and over again.”

2. So Contagious

“Could this be out line? To say you’re the only one, breaking me down like this. You’re the only one I would take a shot on. Keep me hanging on, so contagiously. Oh you’re everything I’m wanting. Come to think of it, I’m aching.”

3. Papercut

“Wait, now didn’t I just see your face? Am I hoping that it’s yesterday? My mind’s playing tricks on me. Last night, somehow, feels like a lifetime ago. So hearing your voice on the phone, it makes me feel like I’m further from home. I miss how it feels when we touch. I can’t go on ‘cause now, you’re not where I want you to be.”

4. Let U Go

“You’re the one mistake I really didn’t mind. So beautiful, unmerciful, it took me down.”

5. Sit Still

“Little girl, you’re so amazing. The fire in your eyes is blazing, and it burns right through me. Don’t you know you drive me crazy, and I’d love to get to know you.”

6. The Cab

“Lay down with me, let me hold you, baby just breathe. This is ending, and we will get through eventually.”

7. Forever

“Our last embrace, those perfect tears fell down your perfect face. Your lips said words that I just can’t erase. I’ll wait forever, it’s better late than never.”

8. Alone In This Bed

“Waking up without you, it doesn’t feel right to sleep with only memories, is harder every night. And sometimes I think that I can feel you breathing on my neck. I wish I could touch you once more, don’t leave me alone in this bed. Not tonight, not tomorrow.”

9. Asleep At The Wheel

“It’s taking a lot out of me to tell you how long it will be before I can spend some sweet time with you again. I’m hoping I’ll be finding success, you know that I’ll be trying my best, the thousands of miles will not make me love you less.”

10. Come On

“I just wanna be the hand you hold when you’re cryin’. I just wanna be the voice that tells you it’ll be alright and when your world is coming down and hope is nowhere to be found, well I’ll be here for you.”

11. Arms Around Me

“I promise I’ll never doubt you, you know I’m lost without you. Please hold me in your arms tonight.”

12. Perfect

“I can see it in your eyes. Making every kind of silence takes a lot to realize, it’s worse to finish than to start all over and never let it lie. As long as I can feel you holding on, I won’t fall, even if you said I was wrong.”

13. You’re Going Down

“Give it a rest and let me show you how it should be, and how it could be.”

14. Someone Somewhere

“Someone is hoping just that this will be the day that you take your eyes off the ground, out of the blue, and see that someone is looking right back at you. Maybe that someone’s me, maybe it’s meant to be.”

15. Mistakes We Knew We Were Making

“What at once just seemed the impossible now makes perfect sense.”

16. Good To You

“And I do want you to know I hold you up above everyone. And I do want you to know I think you’d be good to me and I’d be so good to you.

17. You’re Making It Come Alive

“Life flies by so you have to embrace it, forget the past ‘cause you cannot erase it. So live the dream, and learn to chase it.”

18. Beauty In The Breakdown

“You can stay if you want to, and I’d write to you and tell you how you’ve always been so special to me. You can stay if you want to and I’ll try to keep you close to me.

19. Beyond Words

“And I’ll still love you beyond what words can say. I’ll take your every suffering moment and bring a better day. I’ll still love you more than what I hope to be. Let me wrap my arms around you, let me take your breath away.”

20. Where It Ends

“I didn’t want to hurt you. This is gonna hurt you. I don’t wanna see you fall.”

21. Chelsea

“I never would’ve guessed that you’d mean this much to me.”

So those are just a few lyrics from each song on the CD. I can easily pick out more from each song. It’s weird how you made it months ago, when we were at a completely different point in our relationship, but the words seem to apply even more now than then. I don’t even know if this letter made sense, hopefully you can get something out of it. Oh well. I miss you so much, and I can’t wait to see you this weekend. I love you so much.

You’re on the phone right now, so I thought this would be a decent time to start writing the letter. I know you’re talking to Dan. You muted me, so I’m not sure what it is about, but I can tell by your face that it doesn’t seem to look like a good talk. You look really upset. I’m sorry. I never want you to be upset. I had always thought that maybe, if we were together, then you wouldn’t have to be upset. But I didn’t take into consideration how much pain you’d be in to get to that point, if we ever get to that point. I feel like there was a point in our talk tonight where it really seemed like you were about to do it, to pick me, to say we’re a couple, officially. You kept asking if I really love you, and really want to marry you, and really would never leave you. Of course the answer to all of those questions is yes. I’m madly in love with you, I’d want nothing more than to be with you for the rest of my life, and there is zero possibility that I would ever leave the girl who makes me happier than I have ever been. You’re the best thing that I have ever had, and I never want to lose that. 

Anyway, I’ll respond to last night’s letter now. I’m sorry that I wasn’t home to skype with you before bed like we usually do. It was really hard not being able to see you before I fell asleep. I didn’t like it, and I really don’t think I slept as well because of that. Seeing you before bed, no matter how long, really just allows for me to close my eyes with the biggest smile on my face. I mean that, I literally fall asleep smiling. And last night was just so weird, and I really did miss seeing you. Before I fell asleep last night I was lying on the couch looking through my pictures of you that I have saved on my phone. It helped a little, it made me feel like you were still close, but it just wasn’t the same. I agree with what you said about wishing we could have a house together. That would be absolutely perfect. We could fall asleep holding each other just as we did when we were at school, that last week or so of the year was literally the best thing ever, not for any of the extra things that happened during that time, but just because of how many times you stayed the night, and how many times I was able to sleep with the girl of my dreams in my arms.

I could get used to this too, used to us. I have loved how things have been. And while I’m really upset that we had to leave BG for the summer, I think these past few weeks have really showed me how much I care and love you. Before leaving, I thought this summer could do one of two things to your relationship. 1) We go our separate ways for the summer, and things calm down between us and die down and we grow distant. Not necessarily to the point where we don’t talk everyday or anything like that, but just back to being friends and calming down with being in love with each other. The other option was 2) This distance just totally becomes the worst thing ever and I spend every single moment wishing I was with you. I grow to find myself even more in love with you, which I didn’t even think was possible. And more than anything I want to date you, to call you mine, and to tell you I love you at every possible opportunity. I definitely believe that we have been experiencing option number two, and I am so grateful for that. I am so in love with you, and I know I say it a lot and I wish there was a better way to put it, but it seems that no matter how hard I try to find the right words to piece together, nothing will begin to even come close to allowing for me to tell you just how deeply in love with you I am.

I’m sorry that this letter is short, but I am really tired and I don’t want to write you a poorly written letter. So before my eyes begin to close anymore, I am going up to lay in bed. I’ll try to make it up to you with the next letter, hopefully that is okay. I hope that I’m able to dream of you tonight, I really need to see you and have it feel like you’re with me right now. I hope you’re alright, and I know you’ve told me countless times not to apologize or feel responsible, you know that I’m going to. I want you to be happy. I love you so much Chelsea, I love you so much.

You really do come across the most perfect songs to sum up or situation or express how you feel. The lyrics you post always make me smile, you’re incredible. So we skyped for a little tonight, but then you had to go to your party and I miss you already. I hope you have a good time tonight, I think a night out will be good for you, get your mind off things and be with some friends. Hopefully it’s good, but deep down I hope for some reason maybe you decide to come home a little early so I get to see you one more time before I go to bed. I’m really tired though, so I don’t know if that will be happening, sad stuff.

Anyway, responding to your letter now. I’m real glad that you can see me as someone that you can be with, because you are most definitely someone I see myself with also. You’re everything I want, and you’re all I want. I’m really glad you were able to get through that night a couple nights ago without cutting. I was worried about you all day. I was dying to text you, just to make sure you were okay, but I was hesitant because I didn’t want to bother you or annoy you or push you over the edge or anything like that. I’m really glad that I decided to text you before bed. It was a tough conversation to have, but I think it went well for the most part and I’m glad we were able to get through it. The whole time I was thinking about what you had said a couple of times, “what if we get in a fight before you come?” I kept thinking about, like here we go, this is going to ruin everything, I blew it. But we were able to get through it and I think the last couple days have went well and gotten back to normal, thank god.

Thank you for letting me know about that secret. I’m not going to get my hopes up or get too excited, but it is really good to know that you’re even considering being with me. All I ask is that you’re sure of whatever decision you make, and not to let others influence whatever it is you pick. It’s entirely up to you, but just know that if you do pick me, I plan to never hurt you, or let you down, or do anything other than be the best boyfriend possible to you. You mean the world to me and there’s nothing I want more than for you to be mine.

I’m real glad you liked that text so much.  Looking back at it, it kind of reminds me of something you see on one of those corny tumblr pictures. So I’m very glad it is something that can make you smile, and just know that I was completely serious when I said that, that really is the only thing about you that I don’t like.

I’ve started to become really comfortable calling you babe. I like it now. I was very nervous at first, and felt a little awkward doing it at first, but I’m starting to like it a lot. Even though it’s me calling you that and not the other way around, I still get the biggest smile on my face when I see it in our conversations, because it just reminds me of a normal conversation that a true couple would be having. I like how the last couple nights we’ve seem to have had talks like a couple. You called my your boyfriend once. Although you said that it slipped, I still loved it, and it put a huge smile on my face. I called you my girlfriend last night, too, and you said that you basically are, that we’re basically together and we act like a couple already. I love that. I love that we have been acting like we’re together. I go about my days texting the girl who I’m completely in love with, and it’s a great feeling.

Anyway, I hope you’re having a great time. I can’t wait to talk to you again. Maybe if I’m not up when you get home you can write to me again, I love your letters, they really are perfect. I absolutely cannot wait to see you. As of now, I’ll be landing in Rochester in 7 days, 22 hours, 10 minutes, and 54 seconds. It won’t be long now! I love you so much, more than I can even put into words.

You are enough. You are more than enough. And I really want you to believe me that she isn’t the reason why I want to wait until the school year to try to be it, if you even want to try it.

I’m terrified of commitment. I’m afraid of change and trying something new. I know that I’ve told you that I want to be with you, and I do more than anything, but I am scared. I want to be with you more than you could possibly understand, more than I could ever put into words. But honestly, I’m terrified that even if you do somehow choose me, that not being with Dan will be too much for you. I’m afraid you’ll lose interest in me, especially since you won’t be able to see me. You’ll see him, I could never ask you not to see him or talk to him or anything like that, I would never do that. That’d be asking you to walk away from all your friends, to not do anything, to have a terrible summer, and I could never do that to you. I know how much you love him, and I know how much he means to you. And I’m afraid that if we get together now, not seeing him when you’re home will be too hard. It’s like how you say it’s impossible to not sneak to my room when I come to visit you because I’ll be so close, it’s the same thing. You’ll be home, he’ll be there, I won’t. I trust you, and I believe you, and I would be able to trust you if you really do choose me, but I’m just scared. I’m terrified of losing you.

I honestly love you more than anything. I’ve dated someone for over two years, and someone else for over four years, and I can honestly say that my feelings for you in just seven and a half months are stronger than anything I have experienced. I’m infatuated by you, everything about you I am just so in love with. You consume all my thoughts, all my dreams. Every song I listen to brings about thoughts of you. Everything I see driving around town, things I see in stores, literally everything reminds me of you. And this has been one of the hardest things, to be away from you. It hasn’t even been that long, just a couple of weeks, and I know we’ve got a few months to go, but I hate this. I hate being away from you. I hate that I can’t text you, see what you’re up to, and ask if you’d like to walk over. I can’t walk downstairs and let you in the dumpster door, and get the biggest smile on my face when I see that book bag of yours knowing that it means you intend on staying the night. I can’t hold you, wrap my arms tightly around you, kiss you countless times until you reveal the biggest smile one could put on. I can’t lay there and smell my pillow before I fall asleep when you aren’t there, remembering what it was like just a night or two before when you laid your head on it and I was the happiest person I have ever been.  I can’t fall asleep with you, fall asleep the luckiest person in the world because I’m laying next to someone so incredible. I’m completely in love with you. You know how much it takes for me to reveal my feelings, to let people in and to show emotion, but I’ve been able to do it with you. You mean the world to me, I need you. I literally need you.

I haven’t heard from you since 3:50 this afternoon, and it’s killing me. I’m not going to text you, because I don’t want to bother you. You’ve probably laid in bed all afternoon and thought about things, thought about us, and your relationship with Dan, and everything else that came across your mind. I don’t know if all that thinking was good for me or really hurt my chances of being with you, but I hope it helped you. That’s all I want, for you to be happy. I’ve seen how happy you have become since we have gotten closer, I’ve seen that genuine smile that can come across your face, and that laugh that you hate so much, but the sincerity of it is evident. I know that I have made you happy. I just want to be given the opportunity to continue to do so, for as long as you let me. If that is forever, I’d be more than happy to take on that task. I am so incredibly in love with you, and saying that doesn’t even do it justice. I hope you are okay, and I hope that maybe this letter will help you believe me that I truly am in love with you.

I love you. 

Please forgive me if I seem forward
But I’ve never been in front of anything like you
Its the last place I ever thought I’d be
When I woke up this morning
Is it true?
And that you’re always this breathtaking
And your smart and you’re willing
My God this is killing me

Tell me all the things you never said
We can lie here and talk for hours in my bed

I don’t have anything to hide
I don’t have anything
Everything is not for certain
I don’t have anything to hide
I don’t have anything
Everything is not for certain

You started to see right through me
And I’m loving every minute of it
Its like I’m born again
Every time I breath in so,
If you’re curious,
My favorite color’s blue
And I like to sing in the shower
If you like, I’ll sing to you

Tell me all the things you never said
We can lie here and talk for hours in my bed

I don’t have anything to hide
I don’t have anything
Everything is not for certain
I don’t have anything to hide
I don’t have anything
Every thing is not for certain

Tell me all of your hopes,
All of your dreams
I want you to take me there
Tell me all of your hopes,
all of your dreams
I want to take you there
Tell me everything
Every breath, I want you to know I’ll be there
Theres just one more thing,
One request
I want you to take me with you

Take me with you
I will never let you down
I will love you now and forever 

That was probably one of the best letters you’ve ever written me. I love when they’re long and detailed, and that one sure was both. I guess to respond to that, I’ll just take it section by section. Hopefully this response is okay, I’ll try and be just as detailed as you.

I can start my response by being equally as straightforward. I am so completely in love with you also. It’s scary. You aren’t the only lucky one here, I am just as lucky as you are. You mean so much to me, way more than I ever thought possible when I first met you up on your floor. I was scared to talk to you at first. I thought you were gorgeous, and I could tell you could be the type of girl I liked talking to, so thankfully I just went for it. About everything you said regarding Doogie, I never wanted to be his “replacement”. That was never my goal or what I set you to do when we first started having feelings for each other. I know what you had with him was very strong and important, and that you will always have something for him, but I guess it is nice to know that while I don’t expect to necessarily take his place, I am glad that I could come in and make you feel as good, and maybe even a little better by not putting you down. I’d never want to do that, to me you are perfect, and I mean that completely, there isn’t one thing I would change about you, other than the fact that I want you to be able to see yourself as I see you, incredible. Just know that I always plan on treating you the way that I do, I will never put you down, I will never threaten to leave you for anyone else, because even if I could have anyone else, I would choose you in a heartbeat.

Next, I do remember when you used to tell me we could never date. While I was discouraged by this, I understood. I knew that you had Dan, and that you love Dan, and all of that. And yes, I was disappointed that you were so against being in a relationship with me, I did understand. I knew that to risk that and jump into something with me would be hard, pretty much impossible, so I was quite alright with just having feelings for you forever and never actually being with you. Because if I was to say that it wasn’t okay, and that the hanging out and whatnot needed to stop since we’d never be together I would have died. And I’m glad I kept trying, I’m glad I didn’t give up, and I’m glad you finally decided that it isn’t worth pushing me away anymore. Because now I love you more than ever and I think it’s amazing to see that you aren’t denying the fact that you love me in return. I think your mom was right about the whole time thing being the reason for you liking me, because I know it is the reason why I like you also. Of course I had those instant attractions to you just at the sight of you, but those are just the shallow things, just your appearance alone made me attracted to you. It’s what I was able to learn of you over the next months and remainder of the school year that took those simple feelings of attraction and turned them into a complete love for you and everything about you. Over time I was able to learn about you, what you liked and didn’t like, what made you happy, and what I could do to continue to keep that gorgeous smile on your face. I think time has worked in our favor, and nothing happened too fast. We didn’t just jump right into making out and doing sexual things when we first met, and I think all those nights just laying in my bed simply listening to music were good for us, because we didn’t have to focus on sexual things or simply a physical attraction, but we developed something much more meaningful.

I like how you took the time to throw in something not so serious, definitely helped with the flow of this one. I tried calling you babe last night when I was saying goodnight. It was definitely different, and it actually looked pretty weird to see that included in my typical goodnight text to you. I know you said it was weird as well, but something that you could get used to. If you’d like me to use it every once in a while I wouldn’t mind. I don’t have anything against pet names, so if you do like being called that I’m certainly willing to continue to use it occasionally, anything to make you smile.

You pretty much nailed the jealously thing down. I know my relationship with Courtney isn’t close the same as yours with Dan, but I do know that it affects you just the same. I know how you feel about being jealous of her, when texts come through or when I’m with her and all of that, just know that no matter what kind of dreams you have, or what kind of thoughts go through your mind about her, I love you more than I could ever love anyone else, and you have absolutely nothing at all to be worried about.

Finally, yes, I would like to date you. I realize this would be a big change for both of us, especially you, but I do think it is something that could work and be absolutely incredible.  Of course I expect you to always have that feeling for Dan, you were with him forever and of course you’re going to always have that, I know what it is like. I dated Kristen forever and we haven’t been together since my senior year. We even went over a year without speaking to each other at all, and just started talking every once in a while just last summer, but I’ll always love her. I’ll always have feelings for her. She’s my version of what you have with Dan, what you’ll always have with him. And while I know that I’m always going to have that with her, I also know that I can’t dwell on the past forever. And for that reason I do think I could deal with you having those feelings for Dan, even if you weren’t with him, mostly because I know completely what that is like.   And then if we did date, and got back to BG and everything was great, I guess I’m not really sure what to expect next. I guess it would be hard to say, knowing that I could end up working for a team literally anywhere in the country. But I guess that’s why I feel as though it is better to just live for the present, and not worry about things to come. There’s nothing you can do but change the things that are in your reach, and that is many months ahead. I know it’s scary, and I know even if we aren’t dating, not coming back that next year will be terrible, but it’s something that will just have to be dealt with when it comes.

Hopefully I addressed everything you brought up in your letter, I tried to take it piece by piece and respond. I love you so much, more than anything. Hopefully you don’t ever get tired of me, because I don’t see these feelings ever going away, I am so incredibly in love with you it’s ridiculous. I can’t wait to see you. It’s less than two weeks now, and those few days spent with you are going to be absolutely perfect. I love you, and I’ll see you soon.

I hope you know that there was zero chance I would ever get off of Skype without telling you that I love you. I don’t think I would be able to sleep soundly without doing so, because I know when I say it, you’ll say it back, and that is literally one of the greatest feelings ever. I honestly go upstairs with the biggest smile on my face, just thinking about how this amazing girl has just told me that she loves me, it’s phenomenal.  Hopefully you don’t feel obligated to say it back to me. I think you mean it, but you know, you never know I guess, so if there’s ever a time when you don’t want to say it back to me, don’t feel like you have to just because I’m saying it to you. Because honestly, I could easily say it every day for the rest of my life, because you’re without a doubt someone I would never, ever want to lose. I want to be with you forever, as scary as that is. I’m always one to be afraid of change, and committing to something for a long time, but you could easily be the exception to that rule, because I would be perfectly fine with waking up and falling asleep next to someone as incredible as you everyday for the rest of my life. I love you so much, goodnight.

15 Days 22 Hours 39 Minutes 57 Seconds

I actually said “are you joking me?” in a real conversation today! With someone other than you! It was hilarious. I just got a blank stare, I probably looked so dumb because once I said it, I just started laughing, a lot. I wish you were there. I wish I could spend every waking moment with you. Actually I take that back, I’d like to spend every moment with you, not just the ones in which I’m awake. I sleep so much better when I’m laying with you, holding you tight against me, your fingers locked with mine. It’s probably one of the best feelings I could possibly experience. I fall asleep smiling and wake up the same way. I’d do just about anything possible to be with you right now. Luckily I was able to Skype you a little bit before you went to the party, it definitely made my day. I don’t think I would have been able to fall asleep without seeing you tonight. I’ve gotten used to seeing you every night, and I love it. It’s a great tradition, and I really hope we can keep it going as much as possible throughout the summer until we’re back in BG when I no longer have to worry about distance or anything, we can just be together. I’m so excited. I can’t wait to be back with you. I hope you’re having a good time at the party, although I really wish I could still be talking to you. I want to be with you, as in dating you. I know it hasn’t come up in a later from either of us lately, but I’ve still been thinking about it. I always think about it. I’d love to date you, I want you to be my girlfriend, I want you to be mine. I mean that in the least selfish way possible, but I really do just want you as mine. It’s not that I’m jealous that you’re out with him, I expect you to of course, which is why I never wanted to tell you that I didn’t want you seeing him, but I am really jealous. I wish it was me. I wish I lived close enough where I could see you all the time, this distance thing just blows. I knew it would be hard, but I really did not expect it to be this difficult. I didn’t think that my mind would be so locked in on you, when every single thing reminded me of you, and every thought that went through my mind would be about you. Literally every thought I have throughout the day is about you, and then you’re even there in my dreams. I honestly wake up smiling because when I wake up I had usually just seen you in a dream, it’s perfect. You’ve been in a lot of my dreams lately. I actually called you “babe” in a dream, it was kind of weird, probably just because I’ve never used anything like that with you. I always call you by your name, but for some reason in this one dream, I was calling you babe, not sure why, it was different. Some dreams we’re just laying down listening to music, other dreams we’re having sex, others we’re dating, and others we’re at places that I don’t even know where they are. Maybe it’s foreshadowing. Maybe someday we’ll be together and I’ll recognize some place from a dream that I had. I hope that’s the case, I hope we can be together someday. There’s not much more in life that I’d want more than to be with you. I’d feel complete, and I’d easily be the luckiest person in the world, because I would be dating one of the most amazing people I have ever been fortunate enough to meet. I love you so much. I know I tell you that all the time, and you said you’d never get tired of it, but I really hope you weren’t just saying that because I just always feel the need to let you know, because you deserve to hear it, someone as amazing as you should know that I love you more than any words could even explain. I hope you’re having a good night. Maybe you could write to me before you go to bed tonight so I have something to smile about when I wake up in the morning. I love you so much, more than you’ll ever know.

15 Days 22 Hours 24 Minutes 56 Seconds